yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize