Have you finally orgasmed yet?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
