I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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