Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
