And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
