Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
