you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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