ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Your dad touched me again.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
