im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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