hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
