it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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