she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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