I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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