see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
