i think i have two assholes
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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