in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
