he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
