at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize