Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
