all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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