When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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