i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
as a side note pls kill me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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