those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
