I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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