are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
