just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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