The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
