Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
false alarm, still single
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
