I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
