Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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