I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
