sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
