I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
