You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just google imaged poop.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
