Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
40s are totally the cure
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
