I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
