Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
