My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
