I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
