you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
the liver wants what the liver wants
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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