I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
