dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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