He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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