You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
