Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
