That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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