dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
