if i can run in heels then i can drive
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
