I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize