I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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