What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
