I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
