You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
