Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Randomize
