im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Houston, we have a blender
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
