I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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