he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
