we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
