he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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