The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize