Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
