I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
