Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize