I'm going to jail i love you
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize