I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
