he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
