I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
