Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
