she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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