Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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