You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
