Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
