I heard we made out
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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