I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
