Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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