new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
