Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
