They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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