Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
