ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
