Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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