So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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