I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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