The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
