The best revenge is premature balding
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We were destined to go to rehab together
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
