Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
