Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
