I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
