Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
