You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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