but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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