How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
