Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
