Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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