Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
