grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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