dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
