I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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