did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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