Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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