Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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