I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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