How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize