i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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