Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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