When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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