I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
