hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When are your genitals available?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
