Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Every concussion has its silver lining
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
